Mutants R Us


I am a mutant.

That is the only explanation I can come up with.

I went to the eye doctor today.

I filled out the paper work, gave him my insurance card, looked at new frames (that’s the fun part)

Then he called us (M’Kayla got her eyes checked too) into his office.

He started the exam by looking at my glasses.

My eleven year old glasses. read that right…it’s been 11 years since I had my eyes checked.

Please refrain from being judgmental or making snarky comments.

I am aware of how long it’s been.

Then he blows air in my eyeballs.

That is not a pleasant thing to have done to one’s eyeballs.

Then I look at pictures in thingies and read letters off of the wall.

The eye doctor is menacingly quiet throughout the entire thing.

Which, for a hypochondriac like myself can only mean he sees a tumor on my cornea and I will need radiation and will die a horrible death…tomorrow.

So after the exam is over, I wait for the horrible diagnosis I am sure is coming.

And he says:Ā  “Well, it doesn’t happen often, but your glasses are actually too strong for your eyes.”

That’s right folks.

My eyes are healing themselves.

My eyesight is better than what it should be with the prescription I have.

I don’t need stronger glasses.

I need weaker ones!!!

So the official diagnosis???

I am a freak of nature.

I am self-healing.

I am changing my name to something super-hero-ish… “monsoon”

Or ” Hyper-healer”

I dunno…any suggestions?

It’s weird…it really is.

But the human body is weird.

I am convinced of that.

And if my new-found mutant status wasn’t enough…my daughter is also a mutant.

She has 20/20 vision.

(no..that’s not the mutant part)

But sometimes she does have blur issues.

Turns out that she has large pupils.

They sometimes let in too much light.

Like aperture gone haywire.

So…we are mutants.

The lady at the eye clinic said something about it being because of a healthy lifestyle.

I literally laughed at her.

I mean, come on…she can obviously see the size of my rear end.

I am anything but healthy.

Or active.

Then she said something about eating lots of carrots…..

Again…I laugh.

I know the truth…the truth is…we are mutants.


3 responses »

  1. Well, yanno, we call dad “Regenerator Man” cuz he heals quickly also. Maybe we can come up with something cutesie for you! I am so glad to hear that you are not going to need stronger glasses. And you DO lead a healthy lifestyle. Even tho you swear your butt is huge! šŸ™‚ Anyway, it is a welcome thing to hear. And HUGE pupils? Where did that come from? Maybe you are aliens!!!! OH NO!!!!!!! NOT MY KIDS!!! šŸ™‚ Oh well, as long as her vision is 20/20 that is all that matters. Love You,

    The Mother/Nanny of the 2 Mutants

  2. hahahaha! So funny! ThaT IS weird and I totally believe you are a mutant…I mean I do…scary…just kidding…everytime my husband went to the eye doctor his prescription got worse…that’s right worse…so we lasered those suckers and he’s been perfect eye sight ever since!!!

    11 year old glasses…hahaha…so funny!

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