Sometimes you just have to wonder….


How much more you can take.

I mean really.

I know, logically, that God will handle it all. And that I should give it all to Him.

I know he won’t give me more than I can handle.

I really do know that.

But I still wonder.

I guess it’s the human in me..haha…I am so incredibly human.

Since December, and keep in mind it’s only march, I have lost my favorite Uncle to Lung cancer.
My favorite neighbor to lung cancer the same week…mere days apart.

Then my step-grandpa, Charlie…who was a large and special part of my life when I was little.

Then my Grandma’s husband, Wayne. Yet again to cancer.

In between all of this, I have had to deal with Clayton being bullied at school. An immediate expulsion, followed by meeting several criteria to get him back in school. Add to that the fact that the school has done nothing to the bully, but has handled the whole thing incredibly poorly…to the point that eventually the higher-up’s may be called in and Clay will most certainly be transfered to another school next year. It has been a circus and no one in charge at that place has heard what I am saying.

Then, we recently lost a dear friend who has been a part of the racing “family” for a very long time.

And a friend at our old church lost her father.

And yesterday, my very own father in law was admitted to the hospital.

I am tired.

I am stressed.

I am grouchy.

I am sad.

And I am fearful.

And I really just want to be….I want things back to normal.

I know they never will be…

I really just wish I could get away for awhile.

Not like calgon take me away…but like away away….like gone from the stress.

I need for things to level out now.

I am humbled and coming to terms with the fact that life changes faster than any of us can know.
I am painfully aware of how lucky I am that I was blessed enough to have all of these wonderful people in my life for as long as I did.

I am aware that I must be my child’s advocate…no matter how hard, arduous, or exhausting it is.
But I am wondering…when will things slow down?

When will I be able to breathe again?

I guess for now…I will just have to have faith and be content to wonder.

Trust that I will get my answer eventually….I know that God will let me know in his own time.

So for now…I will wait out this storm….and curl up in the shelter that He offers us.

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