Just thoughts.

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So I’ve been thinking about this scrap booking thing.

I read some comments.

I took it all in.

I still wasn’t convinced that I should take it up again.

But then I started thinking to myself “why don’t you want to?”

Several reasons immediately came to mind.

  • That room is a pit…and I don’t even know where to begin to make it look like a scrap room. It just overwhelms me every time I open the door.
  • I can’t really afford to do it. The stuff is expensive and with the recent financial things we’ve had happen, we just can’t afford any “extra” things right now. Not even 50 cent paper.
  • I don’t have time. I just have so much going on right now that I would feel guilty taking that time for a hobby.

But then it hit me. I know why I quit. I know why I don’t want to start again.

I have so much that I want to get onto paper. So many things I want to make sure my family knows before I’m gone.

That is what scrapping is about anyway. But it just terrifies me that I won’t be able to get it all down before it’s too late.

I mean, look at my Uncle.

He was so young. And I’m certain that he had no intention of dying so soon.

Add to that my health problems and I am just scared that I wont’ get it all down in time.

Or that I will put too much on paper.

Recent events have made me take a really good look at myself, my family and the people I know and love.

And not everything I have discovered is good.

Not by a long shot.

I am mostly surprised at myself, to be honest.

And I did start the “me” album before I stopped scrapping. And I want to finish it. But it will force me to continue to examine myself and I don’t like that idea one little bit.

I have issues. (who doesn’t right?) and those issues kinda scare me.

It’s just really weird and hard to explain.

But I think, just maybe I need to start again.

Maybe I need the “therapy” it provides.

Maybe I should force myself to at least attempt it….right?

I know this sounds terribly trivial to most of the world. Some lady trying to decide weather or not to cut up some paper and stick some ribbons and flowers on it.

I get that. I really do. But for me, it was something I was good at. And I’m afraid there aren’t many things that fall into that category.

It was something I was proud of.

And I don’t mean that in a conceited way at all. It was just something I had that I could use for a minute to shine a little.

I don’t have many shining moments to hang onto in my life really.

Anyway…I am rambling and it’s awful and I’m sorry.

I think that this weekend, between going to parties and planning parties (for my THIRTEEN year old ) I’ll start trying to make some sense of that room.

That is a good place to start.

On to other things.

I hate genetics.

I have a fatty liver because of genetics.

And today, I found out that I have severe periodontal disease…why???

Don’t I brush my teeth?

Yes…yes I do….day and night.

My teeth are healthy. Acutally…the dentist was surprised at how healthy my teeth are considering how unhealthy my gums are.

I have inherited a bad mouth. Not sure from where. Though I suspect it is from my father’s side. Not much good has ever come from that direction for me.

So, now I’m looking down the barrel of expensive work and possible surgery.
Yippie.

I get to find out on the 1st just how bad it is.

In the meantime..I have been ordered to buy a water pic. Hooray…I get to squirt my gums. I wonder what the reach on those suckers is…maybe I could water pic Brian from a distance…might be fun!

One thing is for sure…I have now dubbed myself the title of oral hygiene Nazi . My kids are gonna LOVE me.

Ok…this has gone on long enough and I have things to do…most of all, lie down on the couch and try to get these cramps to go away before I have to go pick up kids and cook and clean and other stuff.

Hope everyone has a better day than I am having!

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One response »

  1. Hey there Lulu,
    Well now…WHERE do I begin. I guess first and foremost would be the “what I’m good at or what have I done that’s good, etc etc”? I have a question for you before I continue. WHO’S standards are you going by?? Hopefully NOT the worlds!! YOU are a wonderful person Chris with MANY talents. YOU have a great husband, who by the way loves you and his kids to death..which is hard to say these days. YOU have three awesome kidlets. YOU have done this Chris. Kinda like the “kid” in Cool Runnings who has to stand up to his Dad…Chris what do you see in the mirror….”I see PRIDE, I see POWER, I see a bad ass mudda who won’t take nothin off nobody”… THAT is the girl/woman/mom/wife I know and by the way admire and love.
    As for the room, get you some boxes or baskets and get to organizing. Or get some expandable file folder things one for each of the kids. Also, do NOT put it off. I have neglected doing something like this for my family. I came to realize just HOW bad a job I’ve done once my Mom died. I have found things Chris that I had NO idea about but mom had written on the back the history. Even on furniture!! Whoes it was, where she bought it, how much she paid and who she wanted to get it when she died!! Sharpen that pencil and GET to SCRAPPIN kid!!
    Love ya,
    Libster

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