Stupid is as stupid does

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I didn’t think it was possible.

But I believe I may have found a dog even dumber than Junior.

(Is dumber a word?? guess so, my spell check thingie didn’t show up like it did when I typed thingie just now so I guess it must be a word)

Anywhoo.

I’m chewing gum.

It keeps me from eating.

Which is good.

I have lost 11 lbs. over the past month because of gum.

So I am chewing…

and chewing.
and chewing.

I feel like I could give violet beaureguard a run for her money..and I’m wishing that full meal in a stick of gum that willy wonka was working on had come to fruition.

And evidently all of this chewing has piqued the interest of our latest Labrador addition..charlie.
(get it? He’s a chocolate lab named charlie…get it? HUH?)

I was sitting here, reading two peas, cause that’s what I do.

And I felt this warmth on my thigh…
And not in a good way either.

It was Charlie…panting on my leg.

Looking at me all excited like with his head cocked to the side and his ears perked up.

I say “what?”. Knowing full well that he has no clue what I’m saying to him.
He just keeps looking at me with his stupid eyes and stupid (but cute) cocked head and perked ears.

So I blow a bubble…and pop it.

His nose goes wild and his tail leaps into wagging action.

so I do it again.

This time I’m not looking at him..I’m pretending to look at the screen.

So he does the “butt scoot” (anyone with dogs knows what I’m talking about) to get closer and keeps inhaling my gum aroma.

Then he starts whining at me.

So I tell him to cut it out and go lay down.

He doesn’t .

So I turn and look at him….and blow in his face.

I fully expect him to sniff at my mouth again…but no.

He freaks!

Starts frantically sniffing the floor behind him like I tossed a treat over there or something!

he thought I spit my gum at him!!!!

So he sees me chewing again and starts the panting on my leg-whining-head cocking-ears perking thing again.

So I blow in his face again…surely he can’t fall for it twice…can he?

He can.

Sniffing the ground like someone just tossed an invisible t-bone steak down there.

Oh my Charlie…you sure are a little….well….stupid.

And on a side note: To the woman I saw at K-mart tonight (don’t ask why I was at K-mart..that is a whole nuther blog) Let me tell you something…your little “precious” does not enjoy being stuffed into that doggie stroller and being pushed around K-mar-shay.
Dogs do not “enjoy” shopping.
Dogs enjoy digging through garbage and licking their own butts.
Dogs enjoy eating their kibble till they burst and chewing on shoes.
They don’t like strollers or bows in their hair or shopping at K-mart.
And honey…the last time I checked, only service dogs are allowed in places like that…and your yorkie is not a service dog.
Thank you very much…this vent has now ended.

However, be aware that there may be another vent coming soon due to the last minute trip to Wal-mart tonight for Coke and coffee mate.
No one should ever go there at that time of night during the Christmas shopping season.
It.
was.
Scary.

I have never wanted to hurt the elderly…until that lady in the “courtesy cart” tonight.
Oy vey!

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