Granny Panties

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I had to make a trip to wal-mart today.

Nothing noteworthy there.

Except for one *ahem* large detail.

I had to buy panties.

Now, please note that I am well aware that everyone wears panties (or should) and that I am not special in the need to purchase said undergarments….

However….

Let’s just say it’s been awhile since I’ve bought any.
As a matter of fact…I am certain that the last time I bought these necessary necessities Brian and I were in the land of the loon (Canada eh?)
And that was a few years ago.

So it was time for new undies.
Actually…I was way overdue for some new butt covers.

So I head over to the underwear to grab a pack.
shouldn’t be so hard right????

WRONG.

Who knew there were so many types of underwear?!
briefs.
high cut briefs.
low slung briefs.
high cut low slung briefs.
bikinis .
string bikinis.
low slung bikinis.
and the piece de resistance…..
the thong.
Cotton thongs.
shiny thongs.
character thongs.
flowery thongs.
and basic butt floss.
(just a question…I get the whole thong thing..own some myself…but if all you are going to wear is a 2×2 piece of fabric with elastic attached…why bother?)

I just wanted some undies.
And I must have looked confused because a sales associate came over and asked if I needed help finding anything. (yes people…I actually got customer service in the wal-store!!!)
I searched my mind for what I wanted and scanned the ginormous display of whitey tighties to see if I actually did need her help and finally in the most exasperated voice I have ever heard come out of my mouth I said ” I just want some granny panties.”

That was it…I have officially joined the club of granny panty wearin’ huge heifers.

I did manage to find some that are decorated quite nicely. cute little stripes and swirls.
And some silky ones…like the ones my mom used to wear when “aunt flo” was visiting…
But I’m sitting here typing about my granny panties in total comfort.
There is no creeping going on.
There are no strings hanging from the unraveling waistband.
And the only holes there are are the leg holes.
That, my friends, made the whole shift into granny panties well worth the ridicule I am bound to face.

And get this…they make them in my size too!!! Size 6.

Ok…so I’m technically not a size 6…flip that sucker on it’s head and I’m more around that size…but I was able to walk through wal-mart in total comfort with that upside down package of granny panties proudly displayed in my cart….right on top of the toidy paper and crest pro-health mouthwash (can I just say that stuff is awesome???!!!)

So now that I can move about in total comfort and have come to terms with my 30-ish-ness, I’m off to water my non-grass…that is quickly becoming some-grass.
Have a fantastic day everyone!!!!

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2 responses »

  1. I LOVE my granny panties tooo 🙂
    I can’t imagine…logically how anyone could pay hard earned money for “beautiful, bow tied,body huggin, BUTT floss”. Danged if they made em in my size, I’d bend over and have to have the dang thing surgically removed…OUCH. I want ALL I can get for my money.
    Sounds like you are feelin better Chris, Glad to hear it.
    Love ya.
    Lib

  2. LOL! I came your blog while ‘researching’ granny panties. I just recently wrote about the sheer pleasure of wearing them! I am a women boxer loyalist, but calling them granny panties just sounds cooler.

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