I know where she’s at…

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I have been there. I know it seems like it was a looooong time ago. And really, 12 years is a long time. But I do remember…

I remember what it’s like to be completely and wholy unprepaired for what life was throwing at me.

I remember feeling lost and unsure.

I remember wondering when did my world came crashing around me? When were the promises were broken?

Finding out everything he said was a lie.

I remember holding this tiny, fresh, new and uncomplicated life in my arms and being scared to death that I wasn’t cut out for the job. (and I still wonder to this day if I am)

I remember feeling more love than I ever thought was possible. Knowing that I would lay down my life for that little person, and finally knowing what my mother meant.

I remember being completly confused and scared. I remember not knowing which way to turn. Not knowing which road to take…but knowing I had to take one…and soon.

I remember being frustrated. I remember everyone having advice, and not knowing which to take. I remember being tired, and sometimes…though I’d never have admitted it….wishing for just a second I could go back and start over.

So I am trying….when I get frustrated at my sister because of something she does, or doesn’t do.

When I want to call her and completely let her have it because she is doing something stupid. Or being too laid back about something that I know is vitally important…I am trying to remember.

I was there once. It wasn’t that long ago really……

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