change is in the wind…

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Do you ever have those moments??? Yanno, like when you can tell something big is going to happen?
Something life altering???
something that makes you have panic attacks?
I’m having one of those moments now.

Our landlady has said, since the first year we moved in here, that she would sell us this property.
And lately, with her health in question, she has been setting things in motion to do just that.
I should be excited right???
I should be happy that we may, very soon, be homeowners right?
It’s the american dream yanno.

Well, herein lies the problem…our credit SUCKS.
I mean REALLY sucks.
we couldn’t buy toilet paper on credit.
it’s really that bad.
Wait.
Let me clarify…
BRIAN’S credit sucks…but yanno..since I don’t “work” (which I beg to differ with) they don’t take me into consideration..pfttt..whatever.

So now I’m scared.
There is no one willing to co-sign a loan for us, not that I blame them AT ALL, that is huge…and it’s a risk..and if the shoe were on the other foot, I dont’ think I’d take that risk either.
But what if….
what if we can’t get a loan?
then what??
will she sell the place to someone else???
will we have to move?
Will we ever “qualify” for anything
so sad that our “quality” is dependant on some little number.
it makes me sad.
We are good people.
Brian made some mistakes when he went into the army.
everyone makes mistakes.
we are doing well now.
I am just so frustrated.
I hate living day to day not knowing what to expect.
You may be thinking, “so what…if you have to move, you move”
well, it’s just not that easy..
we have dogs…three dogs.
We have horses…two horses.
We have a way of life we love…and aren’t willing to trade.
Selfish?? sure. I’ll agree.
But we have worked our butts off for what little we DO have and we don’t want to start over.
I know..so what…lots of people start over…look at the hurricane victims.
I agree..wholeheartedly.
but let me be a bit selfish ok?
Let me be upset that we would have to move to a crime-ridden part of town because we can’t afford a huge monthly rent.
Let me be upset that I would have to sell the horse I’ve had for almost 14 years, and her baby that I waited 6 years for, because I couldn’t afford to board them.
Let me be upset that my children would have to move to a new school…a not so good school.
I think it’s ok if I’m upset about those things.
I just feel this change coming…and I have no way to slow or stop it.
I hate that feeling of helplessness.

Ok…on to other things….
My friend Jaime is going to be doing a “life artist” journal…and has asked if anyone wants to do it with her…of course I will!!!
I will only be posting it here in my blog…as it will be extremely personal…so stay tuned for that!!!

Also…ok, oreo cookies are evil…just plain E-V-I-L.
I cannot believe how many you can eat without even knowing you’ve eaten them!!!
Oh..and add in those girl scout cookies my lovely little neighbor girl sold to me…..not good.
I feel my arse expanding as I type.
Ick.

I submitted for yet another DT today…eventually someone has got to pick me…I sound like Meredith from grey’s anatomy..”pick me….choose me…love me”…I’m so tragic.
which leads me to goodbye….Grey’s is on tonight and I must prepare…and that takes hours….so happy sunday to all of you!!!

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4 responses »

  1. Look into an FHA loan. My niece and her hubby had horrible credit too. They bought their first home with an FHA loan though. It’s a government loan. Also, since your DH was in the military I wonder if maybe you could qualify for a GI loan. Don’t give up hope, there’s always something to try. Good luck on realizing your dream. You can do it!

    I’m doing that life journal too. Jaime has a good idea.

  2. (((Hugs))) everything in life happens for a reason – things will work out don’t spend your time worrying its not healthy!!! Spend your time scrappin’ 😉 lol…and any DT would be LUCKY to have you so don’t ever give up on that dream either! xoxoxo

  3. Girl…I know, I understand. I *hate* not being in control..so I can relate to your fears. Big huge (((HUGS))) coming from me, you know I love ya!!!

    and just for laughs.
    the word verification for my post is:

    ninjho
    bwahahaha ninja ho is what came to mind!!!

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