the big three-oh

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Yes, that is correct. I am now 30. wow…that’s even hard to type. I know there are some of you out there who are thinking “oh quit whining…your only 30” but I have had a really hard time leaving my 20’s behind me. I have been thinking a lot about it, and I think I may be having a hard time with it because I never really got the chance to enjoy my 20’s. Now don’t get me wrong….I would not change a thing, I love my children more than life itself!!! But I often wonder what things would have been like had I gone to college, married, got to really know my hubby, and then started a family. Oh well…it wasn’t in the cards for me…and now is a time to look ahead and not back!!
So…here are some things I want to accomplish in my next 30 years!!! (thanks tim for the awesome song title)
1. Lose this 50 pounds that I can’t seem to part with.
2. really look deep within myself and decide what it is I want to acheive with my scrapbooking.
3. Stop doubting my scrapping ability and start trying to grow and improve my art.
4. Get back into riding my horses…I miss it.
5. Start taking better care of myself. It’s time to get healthy!
6. Stop trying to be what others want me to be and just be me!
7. spend more time playing with my kids and less time yelling at them to pick up their toys.
8. give Clayton more hugs and kisses.
9. get organized!!!!
10. love the people who are dear to me more openly than I do already.
I guess that isn’t a bad start right?? I can do those things!!!
Anyway…on to other subjects…
Scrapbooking. As you might have guessed, I am at a crossroads with it. I do so love the hobby. But I really need to decide why I do it. Initially I wanted to do it strictly for the memory preservation aspect…but like a million other ladies out there…it has evolved for me into something more. I guess I got a little boost in the pants when I made the two DT’s and had two back to back pubs. It made me think that maybe I’m not so bad a scrapper after all…maybe I am good at it?? But now I’m not so sure. The deeper I get into it, the more I wonder if I’m really cut out to compete (and lets get real ladies…this is a competition) with the big guns.
I know I still have a lot to learn. And therein lies my crossroads….do I really want to become invested in this?? Do I want to persue this as a “career” of sorts??? Am I good enough to even consider going above and beyond where I am at now?? What will it require of me? Do I need a mentor?? Do I need to just give up??? I often think the smartest thing for me to do is just walk away from the whole publishing game. Stop applying for contests, calls, and DT’s. Just scrap for the sake of scrapping. But that often leaves me feeling empty. So I guess at this point I am still undecided. But it is something I hope to get a handle on soon.
Oh…and to my good friend Jaime…thank you for being so supportive of me! You are truly a wonderful friend!

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